I’ve been walking around with a gnawing feeling in my gut for the past month or so and I’ve used my blog to lash out.
I’m not proud of this.
Today, I learnt a very important lesson and it took Joshua’s stepmom to show me.
I have dishonoured Joshua’s biological father because of an issue that hasn’t been addressed or dealt with. In doing so I have hurt his wife and his sister and for this I am truly sorry.
Next time I blog, I will stop and think of the consequences.
Everything you love you bring light to, everything you hate you turn dark, how bright will you make your world?
This is so true and I received a gentle reminder about this very thing today!
The airport is a place of happiness but sadness too.
Once a month I drive to the airport to drop Joshua off,so he can catch a flight to Johannesburg to visit his father.
When we decided to move to Cape Town, Barend told Joshua’s biological father that he would pay for Joshua to visit him once a month. I was livid, as I feel it is not solely our responsibility. Needless to say, Barend being the man that he is, said he was doing it for his son Joshua’s sake.
The first trip was last month. With an ill feeling, I dropped Joshua off at school in the morning and literally counted down the hours until I had to fetch him again. We drove home to have a quick bite, pick up his bag and then head off to the airport.
We spoke on the way and he told me how excited he was to see his father, step mom and siblings. I wanted to be happy and excited for him but I was concentrating so hard to fight back the tears.
We arrived at the airport, checked him in and then a steward came to fetch him. I walked with him to the gate and then burst out crying, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. I’d promised myself not to cry in front of him as this was “his special moment” but I folded. The steward assured me he would be safe.
I cried all the way home.
He had an okay flight to Johannesburg, there was quite a bit of turbulence towards the end of the flight but he had a lovely lady sitting next to him and she kept an eye on him.
Sunday evening we drove to fetch him at the airport and again my tummy was filled with butterflies. I stood at the gate waiting for him and it felt like hours before I eventually saw his little face pop around the corner. The steward looked at me and said “you must be the mom”. I think it was quite obvious with the big smile and happy tears. I hugged him and kissed him and hugged him again.
This morning when Joshua woke up he told me he was scared to fly on his own this time round. I tried to reassure him that he will be fine.
I’m wondering if I’ll ever get use to this, I somehow don’t think so.
I was rather nervous to place Joshua in a public school, because back in Jo’burg he attended a private school and I had heard some horrific stories about “public schools”.
Joshua started at a public primary school this year. It is a dual medium school but caters predominantly for Afrikaans speaking kids.
When I first visited the school last year, I fell in love. The school reminded me so much of my primary (Selborne) and high school (General Smuts). The principle was caring, the children were well mannered and discipline was in place
Joshua was welcomed with open arms.
He has made friends quite easily.
We’ve had one incident where some kids were teasing him because he wears braces and because he puts gel in his hair and he is neat. They called him a nerd etc. Now, as a mother I do not take to such behaviour, especially if it is affecting my baby boy. We monitored it for a week and there was no change so I addressed the problem with the principal and within 10 minutes of him receiving my e-mail, he replied thanking me for bringing the matter to his attention and that he would address it immediately.
They have a campaign against bullying at school and their mission is to eradicate it altogether and to encourage children to report such incidents.
Joshua was called in first, to explain what happened and thereafter all of the boys concerned were called in. The matter was dealt with and the boys are all friends.
I remember an incident when Joshua was in Grade R (private school). I arrived at school to find him out of breath and crying. He was punched in the stomach and kicked in the throat. I sent numerous e-mails to the head master and to date I am still waiting for a reply. I eventually made an appointment to see him.
This year Joshua decided he was going to participate in high jump. I had no idea my child could jump. He explained to me that he came third at his pervious school but was told he wasn’t good enough. He was replaced by B……, who came 5th. Now, those parents reading my blog from his previous school will know that B…… participated in every sport. B…… received every trophy etc. etc. etc. B……. was the captain of every sport. They also know that B……. was no leader and he was certainly not a team player and in fact not a very likeable child. Let us just say the parents were influential. There were numerous complaints from parents about the child.
To cut a long story short. Joshua is very talented, he has a gift and really jumps well. His new sports instructor advised me to get him a coach. We signed up with a private coach in Paarl, he trains him 3 x a week for a minimal fee (I really mean minimal). The coach is amazing, he has passion and he is very dedicated. He loves the kids that he trains and he takes time training them and helping them.
Joshua is battling a little with Afrikaans, it seems the previous school was not on par with the curriculum (as per his teacher) or perhaps it was the teacher (who knows). He received great marks last year but is failing Afrikaans this year and we are only two months into the first term. (go figure)
I had a meeting with his Afrikaans teacher and he has offered to give Joshua extra lessons after school.
I am glad that I followed my heart and head when making the decision for Joshua’s schooling because I chose the right school for him.
Joshua is happy. He misses a few of his friends from Johannesburg but that is to be expected it will take some time to adjust.
He loves the fact that he can ride his bicycle to school. It took a Barend a few weeks to give the go ahead. Joshua had to be road ready. Barend cycled with him to ensure he knew and understood the rules and only once Barend was comfortable that Josh was ready, did he give the go ahead. Now and again I’ll cycle with him to school.
Joshua’s only complaint is that he is the only child that wears a helmet to school BUT that is a rule we will not change. He has to wear a helmet or there is NO riding.
It is true, I have survived. I’ve patted myself on the back and given myself a Noddy badge.
I survived four months of house hunting, house selling and 9 days without electricity, no curtain rails and no aircon, not fun when the temps are around 40 degrees c.
The curtains I didn’t mind LOL cause the view from my room is spectacular. Not quite sure the neighbours minded, but I couldn’t care a flying kite.
We are settling in. The kids love their school. Josh has already made some friends and has been given a high five because on day 3 he went to school with no shoes on, he is now known as Dutchman.
It takes me a whole 20 minutes to drop the three kids at school, that includes putting the girls in their car seats – dropping Josh off – taking the girls to school – walking them into class and arriving back home. I kid you not. It is awesome! Pilates classes take place in our complex, approximately 2 doors down from me – uhmm guess where I’ll be heading next month.
People are exceptionally friendly in Wellington, everybody greets and they are all very helpful.
There is no road rage, nil – zip – nudder, I’m guessing it is probably because there are no taxi’s, or if there are any I’ve not seen them.
I don’t want you all to think I’ve now become a lady of leisure, cause its not true. Business is continuing as usual, in fact we are a lot busier and we have some exciting news to share with you…………………..SOON ….., real soon. I just need to dot my i’s and cross my T’s.
I’m glad we finally made the move, even though it was hell to get here. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just felt like we had a very, very long tunnel.
Oh, did I mention we wake up to the sound of cows mooing? Yes, our house borders a farm.
This is the life! To Wellington and happy living.
A few months ago someone commented, saying that they were not aware that Barend was Joshua’s stepfather, they honestly thought that he was his biological father. It came as no surprise to me or to my family.
The bond between Joshua and Barend is truly amazing.
Barend is an absolute phenomenal father, he treats all three of his children equally and always puts their needs first.
He does not have a selfish or greedy bone in his body.
These are just a few of the many reasons why I married him.
Barend drove down to Cape Town today (the kids and I fly out on Monday). He took the two dogs, Joshua’s snake and Gogo. In a weeks time he will fly up to Johannesburg and pick up our second car to drive it down again. This alone proves the type of man that I married. One of my followers on tiwtter said “he is a real keeper’, Ankia you are so right.
Today, Joshua told me that one day he hopes to be just like Barend. The comment brought tears of joy to my eye’s. I’m glad that our son sees what a good father Barend is.
I am really looking forward to the New Beginnings that await our family in Cape Town.
Approximately 4 months ago Baldy asked me if I’d like to move to Cape Town. (he was promoted)
We discussed it and both agreed it would be the best move for our family.
We put our house on the market and started searching for schools and a new home and so the nightmares began.
Let me tell you that moving is not for sissies, it is not for the faint hearted.
Joshua and I flew down to Cape Town a few months back, to find a suitable school for him and to start looking for a home for the family. We found the perfect school in Wellington. We viewed 12 houses over 2 days. Baldy joined us on day 3 and we found our dream home. Now most of you that follow me on twitter or read my blog will know that we lost that home.
In the mean time, we had signed a mandate with an agent from Rawson’s. Now, I’d rather not go there but lets just say the agents contract was terminated.
We then signed a mandate with Mi Holm and agreed to multi-listing. Aileen the owner is a phenomenal woman and her team are superb. We had tons of people through the house within a week or so but no takers. After lengthy discussions we dropped the price by a few 100 k. The offers started coming in, but unfortunately the banks declined the offers.
Mi Holm (Aileen) continued with her hard work.
In the mean time Barend flew down to Cape Town to find us a rental home. We decided to rent and only purchase or build once we had actually lived in the town for a few months. There were three houses to choose one. The first was way too small and the second one, someone had committed sewerage pipe and there was no way I was living in a dead mans house. The third was old but had everything we needed. We agreed to rent with one condition that the owner put a pool net on.
The owner agreed and we started planning our move. There was talk about house swapping as he was moving to Johannesburg but that never materialized. To cut a long story short the owner lied and we decided not to take the house.
Panic stricken, I phoned an agent in Wellington explaining we desperately needed to find a rental home pronto, after all it was already the 15th or so of December. She had a home for us, perfect rental fee but not quite what we wanted but we agreed as we were desperate. Another long story short, we received an sms on the 23rd of December to say the owner no longer wanted to rent the house out.
I freaked out. All estate agents in Paarl and Wellington were closed. Barend managed to reach another agent who went out of her way to find us a home. Its a brand spanking new home in a complex and the owner has agreed that we can move in for 2 1/2 months (contract), and thereafter from month to month. The house is lovely (from the pics I saw) but a little too overpriced to purchase. I’m not complaining, I’m relieved because we have a house to move into. We won’t unpack everything as we will probably move again in 2 1/2 months time, hopefully into our own home.
While all of this was going on Aileen and her team continued their hard work and finally another agent (multi listing) brought a client through. They loved it, they wanted, they signed and we agreed. The other agent told me the bond was approved by 85% and the balance was secured by a personal loan and the docs were being compiled for the attorneys. Our house in my mind was sold.
BUT wait, we received an e-mail on Saturday to say the people could not afford the interest rate given to them by the bank. I remember sitting there in the lounge as Barend told me. I wanted to scream and cry but just sat there. My first thoughts were holy cow, now what. We cannot afford to pay for a bond and rental.
The weekend was awful, I was tense, he was tense we were all tense.
On Monday we received another offer, a low offer but we are desperate. We discussed the offer and agreed to sign. We will have to wait at least a few weeks to find out if the bank has approved their offer.
In the mean time it is Thursday, our house is packed and the furniture removal truck arrives tomorrow. Barend drives down on Sunday with Gogo, the snake and the two dogs. The kids, my mom and I will fly down on Monday evening. We will spend a night in a hotel and on Tuesday we will receive the keys to our rental home. Tuesday evening we have a tea party at the girls new school, a meet and greet with the teachers and other parents. I have no idea where the school is, who the teacher or principal is – we chose the school by word of mouth. Wednesday all three kids start their new school.
For now we still have a bond and a new rental home but I’m still hanging on to that little bit of hope and faith that I have left that all will work out.
I’ve gone through the angry stage, I’ve screamed and I’ve cried.
I’m now looking at this whole situation through different eye’s. Perhaps it wasn’t about me or us, perhaps it was about the other buyers.
I’m sad to give up my home in Johannesburg. This was our first home, the home Joshua and I united with Barend. We had our first two baby girls in this house. BUT I’m also happy, happy to be starting fresh and happy to start a new chapter.
It has been absolutely hectic the past few months but I’m trying to stay focused and to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel for us.
To Wellington, Cape Town *cheers*
2012 was without a doubt “The Year of Learning” for me. It was a good year.
I learnt so much about friends and people in general.
That some friendships were not meant to be rekindled.
That a leopard never changes its spots.
That some people do not accept the first invite but wait to see if something better comes up.
That my mom and dad, truly are the BEST parents and grandparents
That Baldy and I have a unique and strong relationship
That people, colleagues and friends can be deceitful
That people who take offense to a status update, blog post or tweet are either guilty, insecure or dealing with their very own demons. It has nothing to do with me.
To do everything with good intention
To love everything living
To have the attitude of gratitude
To be honest with my daily work / job
To put aside the EGO and ask for help
That for 2013 I will need to love more, play more and work less
May 2013 be a blessed year for everyone!