Fairy Girl

It was Easter Monday 2008 and without me knowing, it was my last visit to the fertility specialist.

“You need another round of injections” said the Doctor. I looked at Barend, thinking I can’t do this again. Barend asked, what difference the injections would make, “oh about 60%” was the Doc’s reply. So for a whole 10%, I had to go thru another round of mood swings, another dose of injections, which cost around R3000, which we had to pay as it was not covered by the medical aid. Still with absolute no guarantee.

Hmmmm all that my hubby could see was another down payment on the Doctors car.

There was silence on the way home. I guess we were both thinking whether we should continue with the treatment or not.

Later on at home we discussed our options and both decided to discontinue the treatment. The treatment made me miserable. I could barely live with myself and I don’t know how on earth my family coped with me. I picked up 8 kg in two months and that was a huge blow to my self esteem. I distanced myself from my family and friends and I no longer felt like socialising, which was so not me. I guess my hormones were on a roller coaster ride, like wise so was I.

I felt that if God really wanted me to have a child then he would bless me with one in his own time. I had to realize that his time was not my time, and we often had words because as you know I am not the most patient person.

Two months later, I went grocery shopping and my little trolley found its way to the pharmacy and somehow I picked up another pregnancy test. I remember hiding it under the bread because I didn’t want anyone to see it. After all, I had 8 months of pregnancy tests behind me. I was beginning to feel like a freak, someone obsessed with buying pregnancy tests.

At home I did the test and the two blue stripes appeared. I did not laugh, I did not cry……….I just sat there staring at the two stripes not quite sure what to think. (I’d had a faulty test a month back, which showed two blue stripes but my bloods were negative).

I wanted to be excited, but it was just not happening. I took the test to my hubby, he smiled and then I burst out crying “what if it is another faulty one”.
We climbed into the car and went to the pharmacy to buy 3 more tests, all from different suppliers – because you never know they could be faulty.

Back home all three tests displayed two blue lines. We were pregnant! I rubbed my belly and immediately fell in love with it.

I admire anyone that has undergone fertility treatment and I take my hat off to those that continue with the treatment for months on end. It is a difficult journey and it was definitely not for me.

Two months later I fell pregnant without any treatment, although I’m sure all of the medication I took a few months back helped prepare my body in some way or another.

Our little Abigail was born in January 2009, but that is another happy story