Fairy Girl

I see you staring at me through your not so sober eyes. I can feel the daggers and I know that you are judging me.

You are of course allowed to do this, but do you not realize that it is you who is hurting – that it is you that has the issues and insecurities. You are causing your own self hatred and jealousy allowing it to eat at you.

I’ve set my boundaries and because they don’t suit you, you retaliate. My boundaries are there for mine and my family’s protection. If you don’t like what I have to say then don’t listen. If you don’t like what I have to write then don’t read. My boundaries will only affect you because you have your very own issues that you have not dealt with. So please don’t make your insecurities or problems mine, because I do not deserve such treatment and I will most certainly not allow it.

How many of you (my readers) have experienced this? Personal boundaries are healthy. I’m glad I’ve set mine – have you?

There seems to be so much going on at the mo, nothing unusual for me – right. I think I actually thrive on being a busy bee.

The Tranquil Body Treats brochure finally arrived and it is absolutely stunning. Special, special thanks to the models (my beautiful family) and the two fabulous photographers Jeanette and Sharon.

Full Colour 16 page brochure A4 size

I am thrilled to announce that we have quite a few distributors, Laura, Wenchy, Sharon and MeeA are of the few and I encourage you to please support these wonderful ladies.

sure, gonna need lots of grass to plant

I started working on our garden. We have pulled up a huge amount of paving in our back yard. I’m hoping to have all of the stones and rubble removed this week so I can plant the grass and finally get the kids trampoline and jungle gym put in.

I am also busy building a quiet time spot in the garden for hubby and I to chill, read or meditate. Still need to source the water feature and garden furniture. It is definitely going to look beautiful. It was a beautiful spot at once upon a time, but unfortunately we had to pull most of the bushes and shrubs out because of the water proofing in the factory (broke my heart)

As most of u r aware I pretty much beg, borrow and steal herbs from my neighbours and friends for my products. This will no longer be happening as I am going to build a herb garden, a lavender and a rose garden.

Pathway leading to hubby's office

One of my dearest friends is getting marriedthis month so hubby and I are jet setting to Cape Town for a few nights. I am soo looking fwd to it. We really, really need time alone.

The waterproofing  has finally been done in and around the factory. We have had endless problems with the building and trying to keep up with the regulations. However, everything has been done and all is 100% in order. We will paint sometime this week and I’m hoping to send out the “factory wetting” invites soon. I may disappoint some people because I have decided not to make it a friends and family affair but a special function for our distributors and their wonderful clients.

Entrance to office of Tranquil Body Treats

I’ve joined a slimming clinic and have set myself a goal to loose 10 kg over 3 months. I lost 1.5 kg in my first week. I am having my measurements taken this week and I’m hoping that I’ve shed a few centimetres. (My b – hind does look as if it has shrunk a wee bit) LOL.

Hubby and I have had to make a decision with regards to my health, it seems that I will have to have a small procedure done which will mean no more babies. Yes, I know I’ve had my tubes tied but that is still not FINAL, so I’m not finding this decision an easy one to make. Knowing that the op will mean NO MORE BABIES is really something I am battling with at the moment.  The op will also help with my constant weight gain. I’ll probably blog about this sometime later when I know what is what.

I’m becoming quite addicted to Twitter, meeting such wonderful, wonderful people.  Its lovely to be able to put a face to a name, when we finally meet.

Anyway here’s to hoping you all have a fab, fab week.

I often get asked questions about Tranquil Body Treats, so I have decided to blog about a few of them.

Where do I get my ingredients from?

Well uhm, not that it is state secret, but if  I give you that info I may as well just give you my formulas LOL.  I purchase from various suppliers throughout South Africa and some ingredients come from abroad. I work with some farmers too.

Who inspires me?

When I first started I was inspired by a few people, but at the mo I am really inspired by an elderly lady named Roslyn. She has had her own organic skin and body care range for 30 years. She is a phenomenal woman and she often assists me with my formula’s etc. She has provided me with so much information about the industry, all the rules and regulations that need to be adhered to and also about importing and exporting etc.

Will you open a Franchise?

Hmm a tough one to answer at the mo, lets say we’re not saying no but we’re not saying yes either.

Do you believe in competition?

I’ve blogged about this before. Competition is very healthy, keeps me on my toes. I don’t  focus on the competition because if I do then my product will end up looking like my competitors ass LOL but I do keep up to date with what’s happening around me. I either learn from my competitors mistakes or learn from their success.

Do you make the products?

Yes, I do. I’m not ready to hand over the reigns just yet. I am however, training a wonderful gentleman to assist me in the factory. I’m not very good with delegating, I prefer to do everything myself but because we are getting busier I know that soon I’ll need to let go “just a wee bit”.

Are all of your products made by hand?

Yes, everything is made by hand. We have no machinery in our factory except for mixers.

Are their rules and regulations when opening a factory?

Most definitely, by law you may not make skin or body products in an environment that is not suited to the set standards. Hygiene is of the utmost importance. My staff have certain items of clothing that they have to wear when entering the lab / production area.

What is your favourite product?

Ooh, I’d be lying if I had to tell you that I have a specific product that I like. I like all of them but I will let you in on a secret – there are one or two fragrances that I am not too keen on but I am in this business to keep my clients happy and I have to provide what they like.

What part of your job do you dislike?

I really don’t enjoy labelling the containers  and neither do I like sealing the pressure seals.

Is it difficult to make the recipes?

They are known as formulas. We are going to TM our products soon, so we have had to make sure that the formula’s are 100% correct. The ingredients have to blend with one another. We have to ensure that no chemical reaction occurs when mixing products or when they are decanted etc. We have to be certain of the shelf life etc. We have to be sure that the client gets the desired results, so the formula’s have to be perfect.

Are your containers bio-degradable?

Yes, they are.

How do you handle working with the different fragrances?

I often get headaches if I work with too many essential oils at the same time. I try and drink a lot of water while I’m working. I do take breathers every now and again.

Are you products safe for pregnant woman?

We have a wonderful pregnancy range suited for pregnant ladies. There are certain products that are not safe and we have to ensure that we advertise it. On our website, price list and brochure you will notice that we have highlighted products that are not suited for ladies during their pregnancies. I have blogged about the safety of essential oils during pregnancy.

What is laureth sulphate?

Oooh, I call it the cheap and nasty foaming agent that is used in shampoos, bubble baths, toothpaste and also creams. Most of the shelf  products use SLES. The sodium laureth sulphate found in everyday soaps is exactly the same as you would find in a car wash or even a garage, where it is used to degrease car engines.

What foaming agent do you use?

A natural one.

Are your products natural or organic?

By law you may not label or claim that your products are organic, if you do not have the certification to prove it and if the stamp is not visible on your labels. We are therefore all natural

Do you use any form of chemicals or alcohol in your products?

Definitely not!

Do you use fresh foods in your products?

Noop, we can claim “that our products are safe for Vegans”. All of our ingredients are natural and are found in mothers earth. I am not saying that food is not natural LOL but fresh food has a very short shelf life and one has to be very careful of fungus and bacterial growth.

What is the shelf life for your products?

The majority of our products have a shelf life between 1 – 1 and 1/2 years.

Do you use preservatives in your products?

Yes, hence the reason our products have a shelf life. The preservatives that we use are natural.

Wow, there are still so many other questions that I’ve been asked but I’ll have to keep them for another post.

I started working for myself at the tender age of 22, I had my own successful modelling agency called Outlook Models. I had photographic models, children models, ramp models and character models. I loved my job. BUT five years down the line I wanted and needed a change. The change had a lot to do with my morals. In my opinion the modelling industry is pretty much “who is who in the zoo’ and “what will you offer for a free shoot etc”. I was VERY protective of my models and often turned down jobs on their behalf. Most of them were so young, starting their international career at the tender age of 16.

Anyhow, I pretty much spent a good couple of years in the Corporate world, which I began to loath. About five years ago my sweet husband told me to resign and open up my own beauty salon. (I studied part-time as a single parent for 3 years in the beauty industry). Shoo, I remember thinking how can I just walk away from my coo-shy salary, my colleagues (I cared for a few, very few) and my clients (I adored my clients). BUT most importantly how was I going to survive with NO salary, I mean hey I was very independent and had practically raised Josh on my own for four years. (his father did  and still does pay maintenance). I was now having to hand everything over to my  husband.

My loving husband Barend, told me not to stress he would provide…………………………and he did and he does. I was told to resign immediately. I remember typing out my letter of resignation and when I arrived at work my palms were sweaty, I felt nauseas etc. I was so scared that I was making a mistake. BUT I was so unhappy where I was. Even though I was on the road all day & hardly ever in the office, the few moments I had to spend there were sucking the life out of me.

I eventually plucked up the couraged and asked my boss if we could chat. Shame, he still thought I was kidding (he really was a lovely man to work for, just a pitty his line manager was a…….yah!)

So a month down the line, I packed up my desk and left.

I set up my salon at home, in a beautiful Rondaval and it was truly Tranquil. I had never worked for any other salon so I had to start my client base from scratch. Word of mouth people – I tell you – word of mouth. And the fact that I was the best Brazilian Wax therapist around helped a lot.

Anyhoo, the years went by (4) and I ventured into another business, now known as Tranquil Body Treats.

This is my dream job, my passion, my calling. I have VERY healing hands and I heal through my products. This is my God given talent, to make people feel better about themselves and their skin. To help people look after their skin and bodies.

Starting Tranquil Body Treats was easy for me, because my friends, family, clients and husband believed in me BUT most importantly I believed in ME. I believed in Tranquil Body Treats, my product. I trusted my gut feeling and went with it.

Working for myself is wonderful BUT it does has its ups and downs. Don’t think I go to bed every night without stress. I stress a lot. I worry about finances, my staff, do I have enough ingredients, are my labels going to arrive on time for an order, will the courier collect in time. etc. etc. BUT even though I stress I know that every single month I make it, in fact because of who I am, who Barend and I are, who my staff and distributors are, who and what my product does – I MAKE IT.

If you feel so passionately about something and you want to go on your own, I would encourage it. BUT make sure you have a person to back you, to trust in you, to believe in you. Make sure you are doing something for you and nobody else. Always remember you cannot give half heartedly. You cannot provide good service for one week then decide the next week to loaf. Make sure your family and work is well balanced.

Set targets for yourself. Set boundaries, this is probably one of the most important things to do. If you fail at something that is okay, move onto the next thing. I’ve made a few formula’s that have not worked and I’ve not put them on the shelf because I only put the best out there. Does that mean I’m a failure? No, it means I work at making the formula better or different.

Always strive to give your clients the best service possible.  If something is wrong or not working don’t moan about it fix it!!

I often work late into the night, but I do so when my children are in bed and when hubby has his own work to do. I make sure I still have time for them. I have to work hard to be successful and I AM.

I absolutely love working from home and most of all I love working for myself (okay my husband is my business partner – does that count LOL). There are countless reasons why, but to name just a few:

• I love the fact that I can lie in, in the mornings with my girls. We read stories together, play, tickle – it truly is awesome.
• I can have breakfast with my family, with no big rush.
• I don’t always have to be dressed to the T. Sweat pants and a T shirt is fine.
• I can support Joshua with all of his sports matches. I love sitting on the side of the field, cheering him on.
• I love having lunch with my hubby. (we both work from home, but do have separate offices)
• I don’t have to drive in hectic traffic.
• I don’t have to answer to anyone (okay sometimes my business partner). I have no nagging colleagues.
• I can have a manicure, facial, pedicure when I feel like it.
• There is no clock watching, I work at my leisure. (Unless of course I’m under pressure to get a big order out)
• I can sit on the internet all day if I choose to and no-one can complain.
• There is no time management.
• I love the fact that I can play with my kids in the afternoon. We often play ball in the drive way, be it piggy in the middle or soccer.
• My children love having me home.
• My husband loves working with me at home.

Today, I went inside the house to make a cup of coffee and spent a little bit of quality time with Logan, whilst Abigail was sleeping. I made a really nice lunch, cous cous, peppers, mushrooms, bacon, spring onions, cheese and mango with a sweet chilli, mustard and honey sauce.  The girls, Barend, Gogo and I sat and had lunch together.  I most certainly wouldn’t be able to do that if I was working for someone else and certainly not if I was working  in an office somewhere.

I have just finished reading a book called Breaking Free From The Victim Trap. The author is Diane Zimberhoff.

It truly is an awesome book. In life we get the Victims, Rescuers and Persecutors – a known fact. I tend to be a rescuer, forever trying to rescue everyone else and by doing this I become the victim.

There really is no need for me to try and rescue the world, note I say “no need” so I am working really hard not to have this need.

I am 100% responsible for what I create in my own life. I am giving people back their power and claiming my own. I will no longer allow people to manipulate me or think I’m an easy push over. If you have offended or hurt me I am going to let you know.

There is nothing worse than that feeling that something is eating you from inside, know what I mean. I’ve been in many situations where someone (friend, family) has said or done something that has hurt me or annoyed me and I’ve just kept quiet. Why have I kept quiet, because when I handle confrontation I do so with a vengeance, it is my defence mechanism. Well let me say it was my defence mechanism. I will now approach the situation differently, with more tact. I will take full ownership of the emotion I am feeling. I’ve set boundaries and people are going to have to deal with them.

I know that this new approach is going to be difficult at first but for my own sanity I have to do it and I want to do it.

I’ve thought about situations in the past that have hurt me and I should have dealt with them there and then, but I didn’t only because I was afraid of what I would say or how I would react during the confrontation. I no longer have that fear.

My husband was asked if we were getting married because he was pressured from my side. Ouch, that was really hurtful. Firstly, if you really knew him, then you’d know that he would never be pressured into anything. He never makes a decision lightly. (4 years ago)

I’m your  friend when it suits you, when there is a time of need but come weekend time – my family and I are nonexistent in your life. That really hurts. Hence the reason I’m letting go of friends such as yourself.

I’m entitled to wish for another baby, if I could have another I would. Just because you can’t have one is not my fault. And yes! I am very grateful for my three beautiful children. Stop making your problems everyone else’s – deal with it.

Well that’s enough said, enough off my chest. I could probably confront those that have hurt me, but my wounds have healed and I refuse to pick at them and allow them to fester. In future I will no longer cover them up with a band aid, I now deal with them.

If I’ve offended you in anyway, it was not my intention. You obviously have your own insecurities and issues so I beg of you try deal with them.

Set yourself free because once you learn to fly, you’ll fly higher and higher. Spread your wings…………..I have and it is amazing.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy.  Last week I had to say goodbye to my mom’s sister. She left this world suddenly. We had the funeral today and it was heartbreaking to watch her children say goodbye. My heart ached for them and for my mom.

Seeing my aunt lie in the hospital, brought back  memories of my late brother and my late ex – father in law. I watched them both pass on. Hearing the sound of a heart machine stop, makes my hair stand on end.

There were a lot of people involved with the funeral arrangements, and to be honest I feel that the people that shouldn’t be involved should stay away. Who buries a wife – her husband. Who buries a mom – her children. Who buries a sister – her siblings. Whose right is it to arrange the funeral? Her husband and children. Unfortunately, my cousin was in no shape to assist so she asked my mom to help them (my cousin buried her father 2 months ago). It was difficult for my mom, she made all the necessary phone calls, made a beautiful bouquet of flowers etc. At times I think she should have put her foot down when the others tried to get involved.

Respect People Respect!

Anyway, Barend and I need to get our final Will and Testament in order. Thinking about writing up our final Will and Testament gives me the goose bumps. The thought of dying and leaving my children or husband behind is very scary.

So much thought has to go into such a document.

Who gets what? Who gets this? Who gets that?

Often families fight after a loved one has passed on, this is something I for the life of me cannot understand. Instead of grieving for their loved one they will fight for what they think is rightfully theirs. To be honest I think it is sick.

When my gran passed away my mom handled her estate and it was done so in such a manner that everyone was at peace. Each grandchild got what was rightfully due to them and likewise her children. An important thing to remember is what is rightfully due to you. Don’t expect to get something just because you are a family member or a close friend.

I want to make sure that everything is in order if something should happen to either of us. If I should pass on Barend will be responsible to take care of himself and our children and likewise should something ever happen to him, then I am to take care of myself and our children. Neither of us will be responsible for our other family members.

It is difficult deciding who gets what, should you both pass away. Our main concern, obviously is our children. Things to ask yourself, who knows their routines, who loves them unconditionally, who will raise them the same way you have raised them, who will ensure they get to see other family members, who is healthy enough or responsible enough. The list is endless.

We’ve chosen my parents as their legal guardian, for many a reason and we both have peace with our decision.  Fortunately, they are both healthy and young enough. They love our children unconditionally and will always put their needs first. They often take care of our children, so they know their routines. Our children are the centre of their universe.

When writing a Will and Testament, one does not set out to hurt others. You set out to make decisions that are best for your husband / self and children.

A friend of mine is in a very difficult situation where her and her husband cannot come to an agreement about their children. He wants his family, she wants hers etc. etc. etc. I guess this is the norm in most families. Fortunately, not for ours.

I can’t offer them advice because it’s their decision. All I have said is make sure they are loved and cared for, exactly the same way you love and care for them and that you are at peace with your decision.

Why does greed always seem to come into play when someone passes over? I wonder how many people actually keep the little items they are given. I believe most people end up stashing it in a cupboard somewhere.

I don’t think my aunt has a Will and Testament, she was not very well off. I know my mom is taking my cousins to her home this week to sort out her clothing etc. A task I don’t wish on anyone.

Have you made provision for you or your husband? Who will take care of your little ones? Who deserves to be apart of your Will and Testament?

I was overwhelmed by the response that I received from my readers, regarding my Happy Pills post, thank you. I wish I received the same amount of comments to all my other posts LOL. It seems you have to be a little depressed to get some sort of reaction LOL.

For the life of me I am trying to understand why people expect “depressants” to keep quiet about their condition. Talking about it freely makes me feel good. I’m not ashamed and neither am I looking for a pat on the back, hell who wants a pat on the back because they are depressed. I’ve helped a few people because I’m willing to share.  So I dare you to go ahead and judge me, perhaps it will make you feel better, or does it?

I’d rather seek treatment and talk about it freely than wallow in self pity or blame.  It takes a set of brass balls to admit to depression. Yes, we are all afraid of the unknown or about what deep dark secrets may unfold from our past………….. shite some of us should be LOL.

I can assure you that therapy has been my saving grace.

So every Thursday morning at 9:30 I arrive at my therapists “room”. There is no big cushy couch for me to lie on. Instead a nice hard modern chair awaits me.

As I enter, I go straight to the sand pit and start my play therapy LOL. No, I don’t get to build sand castles but I do get to build my very own story from all sorts of figurines, characters etc. There are loads of different little characters for me to choose from. At first when I started with play therapy, I’d wake up in the morning wondering what character I was going to select at my session. As time went by I allowed my sub conscious to choose for me.

After play time, I move over to my chair. I sit opposite my therapist and we discuss the week that has gone by.  For me this is when my therapy session really starts.

Over the next couple of posts / days / weeks – I’m going to share some of my learning’s / findings / experiences with you.

One of the first areas we touched was a personal one. I’ve blogged about it before. It was tough going through all of the different emotions. My only regret is that I didn’t sort it out earlier in my life,  you see I am stubborn (no seriously I am, I’m Taurean).  Anyway, I learnt that the one person I’ve blamed and resented for almost 38 years is the one person that has loved me, protected me and cared for me unconditionally. I’ve learnt that I was wrong to blame and resent her. I’ve learnt that she tried her best always and continues to do so. I’ve learnt to forgive myself and forgive her. I’ve learnt to love her unconditionally –I’ve learnt to appreciate her. I’ve learnt that I was blessed with the best mother. I’ve mended my relationship with her, it took me 38 years.

In my next post I’ll share a little more ……………..

I have a feeling that my therapy sessions are coming to an end, it saddens me a little because I know I’m going to miss it.

One of my biggest problems was learning to love myself. Through therapy I’ve discovered that I am worthy of love. I’ve learnt that I’m beautiful on the inside and the outside. I’m worthy of my husband’s love and my children’s. I often use to say to myself that my husband was too good for me, but I am happy to say that I now see it differently “we are worthy of one another”.

I was really hoping to do a few posts a week but it seems, I’ll probably only manage one. This means there’s going to be a lot of info, especially in this post.

Tranquil Body Treats is really taking off, we are doing well. I’m proud to say that because a lot of hard work and dedication has gone into our business venture.  We received a really big order last week and it kept me working until late every night. I have to be honest, I underestimated the amount of work but our client received her goods on time. We are most grateful to have Raheema on board as a distributor. Raheema owns a spa in Vereeniging, called Yutopia and they will carry our entire range.

Part of Raheema's order

Raheema final order

The factory is still not 100% complete. We have had endless problems with water proofing and can’t seem to get anything done until the damn rain stops. We’ve not been able to paint and the shelving still needs to be done. Anyhoo, it will have to be done soon because we are planning our “Factory Wetting”. We’ve decided to have a “spit braai” with our distributors and clients.

Our precious little Abigail turned 2 on Friday, 28th. How quickly time goes by. We had a lovely birthday party on Sunday (for another post).

My little princess

Therapy is going well, slowly but surely coming to an end. (for another post).

I’ve just finished reading an awesome, awesome book about  ”Rescuer, Persecutor or Victim” (for another post).

I’ve not booked our trip abroad yet, it seems hubby and I will have to postpone it due to work commitments. I’m not too stressed about having to postpone it as I believe everything happens for a reason and it so happened that we have changed our mind and want to go to Mozambique instead of Mauritius. We are busy negotiating with a distributor in Mozambique so it seems we’ll end up with a business trip / holiday at the same time.

I’m at a very good place at the mo. I’m finally losing weight, and have lost a total of 4.5 kg already. I’ve cut out bread, pasta, chocolate and I’m taking it easy on the vino.

Hmmm I wonder how many of my readers take happy pills? People generally don’t talk about being depressed. Everyone seems to keep it quiet. Why I ask you, why.

I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression approximately eight months ago.  This is how it all started…………….

I went for a check up at my gynae afte having Logan and as usual he asked how I was doing etc. I said I was really fine, a little tired and then burst out crying. To be honest I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. Having two natural births in one year had taken its toll on me.

He prescribed Cypralex (anti-depressant). I spoke to my hubby about the prescription as I was concerned that he would be against it but as usual he said “love, if it makes your day easier and you happier then go for it”.  I received a bit of flack from friends and family, because they are totally against “happy meds”.  I was told to go the natural route etc.  BUT hey whose life is it, MINE!

I don’t think people quite understand what depression is. It is not contagious and it certainly does not mean that we are freaks. It is simply an illness that can quite easily be treated with medication and therapy.

A few months went by and I started feeling very, very tired. I contacted my GP as I thought I had “yuppie flu” again. We did a load of blood tests etc. which all came back positive. She then diagnosed me with depression. I told her I was already on meds, but she felt I needed something stronger as I was on a very low dosage. Needless to say I went ahead and bought the meds. BUT something told me to phone my gynae first. Let me tell you, he was livid. She had prescribed very strong medication and wanted me to  take them with the Cipralex. He asked me to go and see a therapist before taking anything else.

He gave me a few referrals but they were frikkin expensive. I called the therapist that Joshua visited while I was getting divorced. I explained the situation and she asked me to pop in for a chat. We set up an appointment and I bravely went to see her.

Honestly, I was expecting one visit with a brief chat. Four months later and I’m still there every Thursday for my hourly visit. She diagnosed me with PND as well as PTS………….It has been one hell of a journey, but that I’m afraid is for another post.